I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
