I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
