Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
