Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
