Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
