Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
