Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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