my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The air was thick with penises
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
