My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
