The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I AM VODKA MAN
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
