My room smells like vodka and shame
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
