we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
