Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
