i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
