We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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