I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
