also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
