Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
