U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
