let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
