you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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