ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
