she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
