I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
