Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
