barbara walters just said penis...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
