I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
