He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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