I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
