so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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