how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
