I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
