Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
