Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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