I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
