dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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