im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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