I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
