??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
