just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
