you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
