dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
