your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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