btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My cat gives me a boner
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
