I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
