Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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