Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
