Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
