I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
