Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
