I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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